Which Monogatari Girls Could I Beat in a Fistfight?

Rules of the Fight

How many of the Monogatari girls do you think you could beat in a fistfight? I know, this is a question we’ve all asked ourselves at one point or another. And, if you’re like me, you’ve asked yourself this question many times.

Well, in this article, I’m going to break down which girls I think I could beat in a fistfight and why. But, before I get to that, I need to go over the rules of the fight.

There’s really only one rule, and that’s that it’s a “fistfight.” There are no weapons allowed. This means that, no, Hitagi can’t gut me like a fish with a box cutter. But, anything else goes as long as it’s using your body. Fists, feet, teeth, that’s all fair game.

So, without further ado, here’s the tier list the rest of this article is going to be based on. And, yes, I know there are more girls I could have added. I don’t care.

Girls I Would Definitely Beat

The first girl I could definitely beat in a fistfight is Tsubasa Hanekawa (child). I’m 100% certain that I could beat a literal child in a fight. There’s nothing special about her, she’s just a kid and I’m going to break her glasses.

Next up, we have Tsubasa Hanekawa (sugoi dekai). Even as a high schooler, I’m convinced I could beat Hanekawa in a fight. Sure, she has some extra padding. But, I’m not throwing punches at her chest. So, those are only going to slow her down.

Shinobu Oshino is the first girl I think I could beat that you might not agree with. But, hear me out. This is her weakest form. Yes, she defeated Koyomi with her signature Vampire Punch. However, that took him by surprise. Most of the time, he’s able to manhandle her. I can too.

Mayoi Hachikuji? No problem. Again, we see Koyomi tossing her around like it’s no big deal all the time. And, he’s not even actually trying to beat her in a fight. Since I am trying, there’s no way I’d lose to her. She can scratch, bite, and kick all she wants, but I’m winning.

Nadeko Sengoku was another easy pick for this category. Okay, so we saw her smash some lockers when she went into a rage. But, I’m still confident I can beat her in both a fistfight and a game of Twister. I just need to use psychological warfare by mentioning her forehead.

Finally, there’s Sodachi Oikura. After child Hanekawa, Sodachi is the one I’m most confident about beating. Hitagi laid her out with a single punch. And if I get my hands on those twin tails, she won’t be able to get away. That’s an easy victory for me.

Girls I Would Take My Chances Against

The first girl I think I’d have a pretty decent matchup against is Tsukihi Araragi. If weapons were allowed, she’d stab me and that’d be it. But, without weapons, I’m pretty sure I could beat her. She’d fight dirty, though. That’s for sure.

Ougi Oshino is in this category because she’s a wildcard. I’m unsure about what her skill level would actually be in a fight. At face value, I could take her. But, since this is Ougi we’re talking about, she could have a trick up her extra-long sleeves.

Nadeko Sengoku (Medusa) is another one I’m wary about. Normal Nadeko is an easy win. But, this version of Nadeko is a god. Still considering it’s a fistfight, I’m feeling somewhat confident. She did kill Araragi. But, I don’t remember how she did that, so surely she won’t do that to me.

As with Tsukihi, Hitagi Senjougahara is one I think I could beat with the ban on weapons. I don’t have to worry about box cutters to the gut, staplers to the mouth, or pencils to the eyes. However, this feels like it could be a pretty even fight.

What Mayoi Hachikuji (adult)? I still feel like I can beat Hachikuji even as an adult. But, there’s one thing giving me pause. She tossed around Koyomi like a ragdoll. As long as I can prevent her from grabbing me, I should be okay.

Remember Rouka Numachi from Hanamonogatari? Of course you do. Of all the girls in this category, she has the best chance of beating me (assuming Nadeko doesn’t kill me). Why? Because she’s an athlete. She’s in shape. I do some exercise, but I wouldn’t consider myself an athlete by any means.

Girls I Would Definitely Lose To

Alright, let’s talk about the girls I would 100% lose to. Three of them are monsters, so I think I should get a pass on those. But, the other two aren’t. And, it’s actually one of those other two whom I’d be most worried about fighting.

To start off, we have Black Hanekawa. Let’s be honest, she could rip me limb from limb if she wanted to. Yes, I said I could beat Shinobu, who we saw beat Black Hanekawa. But, this is like a rock-paper-scissors scenario. I beat Shinobu, Shinobu beats Black Hanekawa, and Black Hanekawa beats me.

Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade. Need I say more? This fight wouldn’t even last a second. There would be nothing left of me other than some red mist. The only good thing about this fight is that I wouldn’t have to suffer.

Yotsugi Ononoki is one I almost put in the “Definitely Could Win” category. However, I then remembered that she’s extremely strong. One punch from her would send me flying through cement walls. So, no, I don’t think I could beat Yotsugi in a fistfight. She wouldn’t even need her whole fist — only a finger.

Could I beat Suruga Kanbaru in a fight? No way. With Rouka, I’d have a tough time but might be able to win. Kanbaru is even more athletic. And, to make matters worse, she has the Rainy Devil. I saw how that fight went for Araragi and I want no part of it.

Karen Araragi is the final girl I definitely couldn’t beat. She practices karate and has real fighting experience. Also, she’s the one girl in this category who couldn’t kill me in one shot. So, that means I’d have to suffer through getting pummeled to a pulp.

Final Thoughts

So, there you have it. Of the 17 Monogatari Series girls I selected, I could definitely beat 6 of them in a fistfight. I also feel like I’d have a pretty decent time going up against 6 others. And, even I have to admit that the final 5 would destroy me.

But, how many of these girls do you think you could beat? Are you more confident than I am? Do you think I’d definitely lose to some of the girls I put in the first two categories? And, who would you most and least want to fight? Let me know.

If you enjoyed this article, remember to share it with everyone you know. Also, follow me on your social media of choice so you don’t miss out on any future articles — links are in the footer.

Finally, I’d like to thank Roman and JasonHK for supporting DoubleSama.com at the Heika tier this month. To learn more about the perks of supporting this blog, check out DoubleSama.com/support.